A HATFULL OF NOTHING

In that posh continental restaurant, Prudence sat opposite Sid,her face full of contentment;beaming as a soon-to-be bride ought to be.Sid blessed her sincerely,as best as he could.

The restaurant was full of chatter and noise from the bar across the floor.

The two of them talked of many things over their chicken flautas and burritos.Prudence would be getting married in April in Canada,to someone she had known for ten months.Their conversation centred mostly around romantic love, relationships and marriage.

Sid found the idea of marriage to be ridiculous, though not impossible.But of course he didn’t say it out loud,for Christ’s sake.Prudence was a God-fearing Christian,and the day before Sid had just aligned aliens with god in an argument with Kylie who in turn accused him of being a devious pagan.

"You asked me how I knew he was the one, didn’t you?" Prudence mentioned as she swallowed her beef, followed religiously by a glass of water after every chew.She had forever been like this,ol' gal..six years now,who said times change!Their friendship had promised to flourish,but never did;he didn't know why-may be difference of opinion.."what are you brooding about?" "oh,nothing."he nodded,his expression neutral and effortless.He wondered how much a heavily agnostic person could learn from a devout Christian that night. But he was willing to find some answers very badly.

"God sort of handpicked him for me.But for Him I would never know;I didn’t even like him in the beginning and didn’t really start to love him until after I proposed to him.It was like God told me to," Prudence described with a peaceful smile.Sid nodded,understanding that all the emotions she had experienced from her fledgling love story to marriage were no different from those oft-proclaimed psychological doctrines.But he found beauty in their agreeableness and common grounds.

Faith and belief were their common ground.

Then there were the differences.

"Humans are animals," he told Prudence."That’s why the more girls a guy gets cozy with,the more respectable he would be amongst his peers."

"Humans were NOT animals!" Prudence rebutted, "Humans were born god-like!It was only after the deadly sins that were committed we became…"

"Like animals?give me a break honey,theology is but a branch of science isn't it?"

"That’s right,but I think we have different ways of interpreting things we have on our platter.Reason doesn't help always,sweets!"

A long pause.Silence is often so loud.

All of a sudden Prudence told Sid something that no one had said to him in what seemed like a lifetime. “You’re so pure inside,you know!” Prudence pointed to his heart. Sid blinked,a little wide eyed.

“What?”

“You’re really pure inside.I hope people see that in you because I don’t think many people do.”

“haha!People usually tell me the opposite you know. except a very few.”

“Yea, that’s because you dont flaunt it.I dunno,it's like you hide it!Look at the dyed hair you have,those piercings-it gives people very wrong impressions on first encounters.I mean I know you well enough to understand that you never fake,but what comes through is not the real you!”

“I know.But I believe those with the real vision are capable of seeing through,finding out the real me;I mean what's life without a bit of mystery,a tinge of cockiness?!I’m not concerned about people’s wrong interpretations.But I'd be interested in the few who look and judge beyond first encounters.” Sid smirked, and Prudence chuckled and shook her head.

He,however was concerned for a while if Kylie saw it in him,then quickly returned to more rational thoughts.

“So tell me about your girl!Now who’s this mysterious blonde Canadian girl?”

“She’s not Canadian!”Sid laughed and rolled his eyes. He would have to tell the story all over again-the fake story,of course,about Kylie.He was really getting sick of it-like the story of a celebrity couple when they weren’t anywhere close to it.Then he surprised himself with his reluctance to actually talk about it.



As he stepped back into his apartment alone,he thought about Kylie privately and intently.They still had so much to learn about each other,but that didn’t seem to be the primary concern.He tried to recollect the two elements: similar interests and willfull thinking.He doubted the latter, then believed it, then again doubted it.

He found himself moving about in circles.

He couldn’t know the answer which was somewhere within him.But for now,he wanted to know if he had the ability to make her happy.She makes him happy in an uncanny sort of way,with her around he's at peace with himself.

God couldn’t necessarily do that.

People were so gullible about what God could do,about his powers,about his plans.Why couldn’t they seek it in themselves?Why could they not do it with their own hands and heart and the brain they were born with?Sid lied alone in bed,his eyes to the sky outside the window.Did he really have to believe in God to be truly happy?He pondered.If it wasn’t benumbed,nondescript celebration of happiness that he had found in beauty in many a form and at fractured places,what were they?

He rolled over on his stomach.

It was an eerie atmosphere in Kylie’s absence.She had been here often,and perhaps it was her absence that he wasn’t used to.He smiled to himself silly as he thought of her.“I really hope this is everything…”her voice resonated in his head.The mystery of science, the reaffirmation of emotions.He smiled even more widely as he remembered her telling him how carefully she tried to handle the copy of A Density of Souls he lent her.It wasn’t what everyone else would do.

Butterflies flew overhead and some hovered in the air. Sid closed his eyes and almost felt himself falling deeply into the ocean,where the darkness wrapped around him and challenged him to breathe,threatened to strangle;he held for as long as possible,then hauled himself onto the surface,water dripping from his dyed tresses,the air very still.

His dreams circumambulated around him,promising..

He would probably spend his entire lifetime dreaming,half of it for sure;as the world continues revolving 24/7 without noticing his presence.

Kylie, had noticed him...


P.S:don't think should be indulging myself in this right now,but feeling rather disturbed..the colourful occasion of holi has been rather blunt here,which's reflected.hoping for a brighter immediate future;Wishing my readers a very HAPPY HOLI!