What is wrong with me? Anyone? Why does lighting strike twice, thrice and god knows how many more times it'll in the future...in what is one of the darkest hours of my pathetic existence, I sit in front of my computer looking for ways to get myself together, to deal with the sheer shock, to cope with the trauma, actually to come in terms with what now stands stoned..now is when I needed you like never before, and you elude me- all I have is hundreds of conversations in the chat history of gmail to look at. Believe me if you will, I finally paid heed to your advice - I actually tried to cry my heart out- to let go of the pent-up whatever; I failed..I dragged myself to T and B for a share but found them engaged in a post-ID party which made things only worse..actually served as a heady reminder of you-know-what. Perhaps they even failed to notice the look on my face, perhaps they didn't...I tried reaching P, knowing she won't oblige 'cuz I had instructed her not to...I went through all the no.s in my phonebook..paused at some, wondering whether to call or not to, finally decided not to; and you know what, maybe out of sheer madness or just hoping against hope I ended up calling your no. twice and got static- then that irritating engaged/dead tone minus the squeal at the end...All these days, whenever I was in a soup I knew where to go, for the call of wisdom right? but I'm at a loss now. Perhaps I should've been accustomed to the sense of loss, I thought I was..but sadly even if I know what loss is in all it's dimensions and colors, it hurts just the same way it did the first time, even the mere thought of it, probably more- 'cuz am missing the healing touch. Only if this would feel any better, I would be continuing scribbling all night; I get a feeling that a cold void is encircling me, wrapping it's tentacles all around and I'm giving in- can't get rid of it, it's just dreadful. If only you'd tell me that this is another of your practical jokes, though way way above limits I promise to laugh at myself and at my misery and to thank you for playing the game. I swear. It may be cliched but it'd suit me fine if this was a dream and I wake up a few hrs later and get to ridicule it. But if It's true, and I've always been selfish..I need you now and always just as you were..the bestest friend that could ever be- So fight, as is your habit, with all your might. di, pat-pin, me and everyone else is with you, looking at you now.. I wish i could get this into your upper quarters now, I hope it'll find a way..we'll be waiting for you. Comment ASAP.