Wednesday, March 5, 2008

A LOT LIKE LOVE


Now this one's real close to erm..my mind;whatever that means...Inspired by zillions of bolly-wollies that me has gobbled up over the years.Inspite of the ridiculing,the imprints left by have been anything but modest.Right,unfasten your seat belts,here goes.. :)



It was a lovely October morning in the most charming city of this world. Well,not quite. But Kolkata certainly has it's irrefutable appeal which does set it apart from other well-adorned locales.But again,I digress.

Preoccupied by the rigours that another gruelling day in office would bring,I mounted the company bus on my way to work, as usual trying to catch up with some sleep.Previous night was all about pending workload.Which was the way most of the times nowadays. On this particular day,however, a girl got on the bus, and with an angelic demeanour descended on the seat next to me. “Good Morning,” she beamed. I looked back at her through half closed eyes, replied “Good Night,” and then proceeded to return to my half hour long nap before the bus reached the office. Unfortunately,a soft punch interrupted my reverie .

“Wake up, idiot!” She was wearing that familiar smile. “I'm not sitting next to you to listen to you snore.”

Half-heartedly, I opened my eyes and turned to her. “What's up?you bankrupt?company bus?” I asked.

Alolika Verma aka Rinkie was tall, good-looking and slightly tomboyish. She was also my best buddy. “Come on,” she said. “Don't look so disappointed. You'd rather sleep than talk to me?”

“I talk to you everyday, Rinkie.”

“You also sleep everyday.”

“It's not enough.”

“So you've had enough of talking to me, eh?”The smile had disappeared,up came a frown.

You can't argue with a statement like that, so I had to give up. I grinned and said, “OK, sweetheart. Shoot.What's on your mind?”

“I wanted to tell you what happened yesterday. Can you guess?”

“Rohit called you last night.”

“How on earth did you know?” She was stunned,so much so that she nearly fell of her seat.

“Oh, he asked me for your number yesterday.”

“And you gave it to him?”

“I'm a thorough gentleman you know? And don't you dare complain. Wasn't he oh-so-cute only the day before?The way you were drooling over him,he must have thought he had a chance.”

Rinkie was like that.The silly sort.She would openly ogle at every other guy she saw. And yet, she would not respond to any advances of a romantic nature. She'd happily join a group of boys to go to a cricket match, but if asked out to a movie, dinner, or even coffee, she'd never oblige.

“You like putting me in these situations, don't you?” she said.

“No. That would be lying in the confession box of a church. I love putting you in these situations!”

Another soft punch.A giggle.

I had known Rinkie for a year. We found it real soothing to confide,to share-our joys and sorrow;triumphs and debacles. I'd tell her about all my crushes and she'd scold me for being silly. She had dragged me to classical music concerts and after initial revolts,I voluntarily added them to the ever-growing list of things she 'owed me' for.

And though I never let it show, I must say that she punched soft,but pretty hard in a way.


It was 12:00 am and my phone was ringing. “Hello,” I said, as I picked it up.

“Happy Birthday!” Who else could it be.

“Whoa!Just a call!!You're supposed to throw me a surprise party, sweetheart. Not just call to say Happy Birthday.”

“Well then open your door, you creep!”

So I did and found her, cell-phone in hand, at my doorstep -- with what seemed like half the population of my company. My roommates were supposed to be working late that night. Now I knew why.

I blew a lot of candles (seemed like much more than 23), cut my cake, got my dose of GPLs-graded points in love, and got painted,err pounded with the cake's icing. If Rinkie had had her way, she'd probably have preferred to use a paintbrush and a can of paint. But I bribed her with a copy of the book ”Lord of the Rings”. She'd borrowed it from me three times already. I thought it was about time I gave her a copy for herself.

We chatted for an hour after everyone had gone. “I think it's time I left,” she said finally, trying to stifle a yawn. I nodded. I dropped her home in my roommate's car. As she was getting out of the car, I stopped her.

“Oi Rinkie.”

“What?”

“Thanks honey.You really did make my day.”

“Besharam!Senti deta hai” she smiled.I loved the way she did. “Are you trying to worm out of that gift you promised me?”

“You know, it's interesting how I'm getting you a gift on my birthday.”

“That's just because you're stupid and a weirdo,” she grinned. “And you better get me that book, or I won't return your copy.”

“Hey, that copy was a gift to me from my dear friend Alolika Verma. I can't let you keep that.”

She wasn't falling for that. “Your dear friend? And what about me? Am I not dear to you?”

“Oye,very smart eh? That won't work with me. I'm not one of your Love Crazy suitors. Why do you need the book anyway? You've read it umpteen times already.”

“That is besides the point. Now shut up and buzz off.You are getting me the book. We both know that.” She smiled that wide confident smile of hers. “Good night.” And she got out of the car.

I sat there for some time, just thinking. Our conversations were always like this – a little kiddish, lots of joking and teasing and a lot of demanding. But somehow, I felt that something had changed since the moment she had turned up at my door that night. I wonder. Suddenly a paper ball landed on the windshield. I craned my neck out of the window and looked up. She was standing in her balcony.

“What are you still doing there?” she whispered loudly.

“Waiting for you honey.Thank God you have finally tee-d off the paper-ball fight,” I shouted.

“We will complete that tomorrow. Go home now. It's way past your bedtime!”

“Ok!meri ma!” I grinned back. “I'm off!”


I'm an extravagant gift-giver, and it is definitely going to be my downfall some day. I made her wait for it, but finally bought her the book. That, and half-a-dozen other omnibus collections of various authors, including a copy each of `The Complete Works of Pablo Neruda' and `The Complete Short Stories of Ogden Nash'. She.All an expectant me got for it was a shrug of the shoulders and “I told you so.”

I started spending a lot of time at her place after that. Mostly because I wanted to read all those books, and she wouldn't lend them to me.

“I'm not as stupid as you, weirdo!Ever seen your books-seems like you feed them to rats. You're not doing that to these masterpieces. So if you want to read them, you read them here. And if you want to mark your place,puhleeze use a bookmark.”

So that's what I did. She'd even make me wash my hands before I touched the books. It was as if they were sacred.

“Need I remind you that it was me that bought you the books in the first place? For my birthday!”

“So? They're mine now.”

“Well, then. I've been meaning to ask you this for a long time. Where exactly is my birthday gift?”

“It was in your tummy at one point of time. It's probably been washed into the sea by now.”

“How do you mean?”

“Remember the cake I baked you on your birthday?”

“You what?”I ogled. “You can't bake cakes!” That was a mistake.But that's very me-ish. She looked hurt. “You baked me a cake?” She didn't say a word. She just shrugged.

I was stunned. “But you never told me.”

“You didn't ask.” This was typically Rinkie.

“It was fantastic! And you wasted most of the icing on me!”

“The cake was for you, Mr.Dumbo.”

“How long did it take you to make the whole thing?” It had been a two-layered vanilla-chocolate cake with four flavors of very creamy icing. She had done all that!

“Well, the chocolate cake took an hour and fifteen minutes, and so did the vanilla. Then cutting them up and putting them together took another 15 minutes. Each flavor of icing took 15 minutes for preparation, and then putting it on the cake took another half hour. Cleaning up the mess took an hour,I think.”

She seldom claimed the credit for anything, but once she begun, she needed a dozen speedbreakers. However, I wasn't thinking about that right then.

“You spent over five hours on that cake?”

“A little over four hours preparing it, and an hour cleaning up. Yes.”

I was speechless. I didn't know how to react. She hated cooking.

“I forgot to mention,” she continued, “the hours I spent the week before that, practicing. Even the birds wouldn't touch the first three cakes!”

I couldn't help but ask. “Why?”

“Because the first one got burnt, the second one was only half cooked, and in the third one, I forgot to add sugar.”

It was just like her,expertly diverting the conversation.How I hated that! “I mean why did you spend so much time on baking me a cake?”

She looked at me like I had just asked her why birds flew. “For your birthday, stupid. Of course, I also wanted to beat every gift you've ever got me. Try beating this one.” She was grinning like she'd won the world championship.

As far as I was concerned, she had. I'd never spent a week making her anything. I'd never even spent an hour making her anything. Getting her a gift normally involved me taking her to the store, letting her choose and use my credit card. Suddenly, I felt very small. “Thanks,” was the only thing I could say. ”Thanks a lot.”

“Oy Dumbo,senti deneka sochna bhi mat!”

I was.

I was still mulling over my feelings for Rinkie the next day at work when my boss asked to speak to me.

It was routine stuff.Very formal.But all of a sudden he declared that he had a surprise.The company wanted to send me to New York for a couple of years.Normally, this wouldn't have made much of a difference to me. I could work anywhere and I did like to check out new,exotic locales.But right then, the first thought that came to me was that I'd be away from her for two whole years.Just twenty-four hours before, I'd have been disappointed to lose her company. But right then, I was devastated.I knew now, I was in love with her. I'd had crushes before. Lots of them. But this was different.definitely.

“Do you have any problem in going?” my boss asked, since I hadn't responded.

“Not really,” I replied.How could I have possibly said that I was in love, and couldn't bear the separation?

“When do I have to leave?”

I had a month.


“Wow! New York! Great! I've heard it's a fantastic city! Did you know it snows there in winter?” Rinkie was obviously very excited about this new development. She didn't seem to share my disappointment on what I now definitely saw as 'separation'.Atleast, she didn't show it.

It was a weird feeling. We'd known each other for a little over a year, and we were very close, but beyond some mild flirting, the relationship had never got even close to romantic. That was, of course, until I found out she had spent a week baking me a cake. It's funny how small things seem to make such a big difference.

“What happened?” she asked. “You don't seem very happy.”

“Oh,” I replied, “it's just that it's so sudden, that's all. And you know I was never all that interested in going to America.”

“What an idiot! Go see the place. I've heard the women there are stunning.And men too.haha” She had a sly smile on her face. I wanted to tell her I didn't care if I laid my eyes on another woman again, if she wasn't with me. But I didn't.

I realized that I only had another month with her. She'd rejected every guy who'd asked her out ever since I'd known her. I didn't want the same to happen to me, and I didn't want to make it awkward between us. I didn't want to risk that month. I wanted it to be the best time I had ever spent with her. After I came back from the US, I might not even get to meet her again. Two years was a long time.

We ate out almost every night. We visited some of the best restaurants in the city. She also helped me shop for warm clothes, formalwear, shoes, toothpaste and a million things I'd never have thought of on my own.

“You need to buy a nail-cutter.” My roommates and I shared one.

“I've prepared a list of must-have medicines that you should carry.”

“You need at least two pairs of formal shoes and at least ten pairs of dark socks. The East Coast has a formal dress code. And you won't do your laundry more than once a week or two.”

“Do you have enough ties and trousers?You are so into casual dressing na!and what about blazers?

“Better get a haircut before you leave from here. Knowing you, you'll postpone the first haircut for too long.”

She'd call me up at one in the morning to tell me to add 'one more item' to my list.

And with every passing day, I was falling more deeply in love with her.

The month swept by quickly. The day I was supposed to leave, I asked her to come with me to the airport. “Of course, dumbo. You think I'd let you go just like that, or what?”

After packing my bags for me and checking the lists for the hundredth time, she finally pronounced me “Good to go.”

We reached the airport four hours early to beat the rush, because it was an international flight. She got a visitor's pass to sit in the waiting area while I went ahead and checked-in my bags. Rinkie had got a spring balance from somewhere and so we knew my bags were well within the weight limit. I finished the formalities and came to sit with her. We had only a few hours before I had to go for my security-check. We decided to get something to eat at the food court. And all the time, the one thing that was going through my head was that, after this, I wouldn't see her for at least another two years.

“Hey, Champ! Why so glum?You really are impossible.” She saved 'Champ' for special days. Normally, it was just 'dumbo', 'idiot', 'creep', 'matchstick man', 'weirdo', or if she was very irritated with me, 'numbskull'.

“I don't want to go,” I said.

“I don't want you to go either.”

“No, you don't understand.” I couldn't hold it in any longer. “I can't stand the thought of living without you by my side.”

She stared at me. There was a strange look in her eyes. I couldn't read it.

“I am madly in love with you, Rinkie.”

At this, a sound escaped her lips that sounded like midway between a sob and a laugh. “Well, dumbo, you've picked an absolutely fabulous time to tell me about it!”

A tear escaped her eyes.Anticipation kept myself from even wiping it off her cheeks.

“How long have you felt this way?” She seemed amused, though she was definitely crying. I didn't know what to make of it.

“From the day I found out you had baked me a cake.”

She laughed. “That's all it took? Well, bozo, I guess a way to a man's heart is certainly through his stomach! Hold it. A month? You waited a month? You were the one who kept saying that if you really liked a girl you wouldn't waste a day in telling her!” She was smiling widely now. It looked funny, with her eyes all wet.

“Well, I was confused. How did I know how you'd react? In fact, I still don't understand your reaction. I thought it would change things between us. You've rejected every guy who ever proposed to you!”

“That's because I'm in love with you, you overgrown idiot!”

“What?” Somehow, I'd never expected her to say that. She was in love with me? “How long have you been in love with me?”

“Ever since the day you offered to carry my bags for me.”

“But that was the first day I met you!”

“I guess I was always a sucker for chivalry.”

“All this time you've been in love with me and you never said anything! Then you go and complain that I waited a month!”

“You guys are so bad at reading a girl's mind.”

“You women are so good at keeping your thoughts a secret! Even Einstein couldn't figure you out.”

“Einstein was a nerd. Casanova, on the other hand, understood us very well.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

That moment, was pure magic. I looked into her eyes and took her hands in mine. Physical contact for us had been limited, until then, to a punch in the arm, a slap on the back of the head, or giving each other a 'high five'.

“You realize, don't you,” she said, “that this is our first date?” Leave it to her to notice the little things.

“I really don't want to go.” I'd always maintained that love is a bucketful of emotions. I wasn't exactly delighted to be proved right.

“Don't worry. I'm coming there in a couple of months.”

“How? On a dependent visa?”

She laughed. “For that, I'll have to wait, won't I? I've got a project in Boston.”

I couldn't believe my ears. “What? When did that happen? You never even told me!”

“Well, I wasn't sure you'd propose before you left. And I couldn't exactly sacrifice you to those New York women, could I? I had to watch out for myself. So I went on a project-hunting spree. There is an opportunity coming up for a project in about two months. Someone is coming back to India, so I'll be taking his place. They want me there for a little less than two years.” She was beaming. “See,again I have struck gold!”

“And if I'd not told you how I felt? When were you planning on telling me about it?”

“Around a month before I reached there. I had to make it look natural. Or you'd think I was desperate.”

“Well, you are desperate!” This was incredible. All I'd done in the past month had been to mope around, listen to sad songs and write her letters that I never intended her to read. “You've been scheming all this while! How come you didn't lay a trap for me a year ago?”

“I tried giving you hints, dumbo, but you just wouldn't pay attention!” She was laughing. “You're the only guy I ever spent any time with. Wasn't that a big enough hint?”

That was true. She would happily join a group of boys to go to a cricket match, but I now realized, only if I was one of them.

“What if I had rejected you?” I was extremely flattered that she'd been crazy about me for a year. My ego was swelling.

“You must be kidding!” she was clearly amused. “I get proposed to every few days. You are the one who's been rejected more times in the last year than I can count on two pairs of hands!”

She really knew how to burst my bubble.

“Hey,” she said softly, “don't look so dejected. I said 'Yes', didn't I?”

I grinned. “Yes, you did. And you've made me a very happy man. But you know what would make me even happier?”

“What?”

“If you learn to cook as good as you bake cakes.”

This time,her touch felt so silkier,so very nice!



guys,I am not an idealist..but i like to feel good. :)
hope you do too.

image courtesy:deviantart.com

LISTLESS

In this room of paper
I sit with my ear to the dark.

Sleepless, I am listening to
the night with its sounds

of sleep, as hours sift
through all the rooms

of the heart, uncovering
again the river that is your

flowing laughter. O, would you believe
me if I said of all the dream cities

I will travel to,
it is in your voice's echo that
I wish I was sleeping tonight?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

THE MAGIC KEYSTONE

Aboard a glorious escapade(hiihii)here I am with my second act of fiction for my blog;this is a dedication to all who are young at heart or wish to be so :) and to an ageless wonder who's frequenting my dreams recently..love u dida!


Once upon a time in a place quite close to your bedroom window, there lived a romance. Everyone who met her agreed that she was one of the prettiest romances there could be. She had a beautiful princess, a handsome prince, a wonderful castle,high towers, friendly dragons, wicked witches, sparkling rivers with pretty silver fishes and lots of feasts and carnivals. But most importantly, she had the most amazing key that was ever dreamt about.It was a small golden key that unlocked precious old memories, and was hidden in the tummy of a special fish in the sparkling river.

Rishabh lay quietly, staring at the darkness outside his bedroom window,tremulous.It felt odd,like he was being wary of something.It could have been the demons in Dida's story.Dida. Why did they have to.....He tried very hard to understand why grown up people did these things,but he never could. And Bholu was no help, wagging his tail and licking his face when Rishabh really wanted him to sit quietly and work out why Dadu and Didu would be angry with Mummy because Daddy went away. Actually-Rishabh pulled his soft blanket tighter around him– these days Dadu and Dida always seemed angry for all the wrong reasons. They scolded Mummy for the really cool things she did for him,like giving him a key to the house and letting him come home in the school bus with his friends-he was soo happy the day mummy had given him the permission.He wondered why letting him have sandwiches for lunch (on the promise of eating his dal and vegetables "with no fuss" at dinner) on the three days Purnimadi did not come to their house would cause any problem.Rishabh had even tried to tell Dida not to scold Mummy so much because he liked being alone in the afternoons and that the ayah he had used to lock him in his bedroom and bring the tall rickshaw-wallah in to
watch TV.But Dida had spoken to Dadu and there was a big fight that evening. Dadu refused to speak to Mummy, but Dida scolded Mummy for 'poisoning the child’s mind' against them.Rishabh knew Mummy would cry after that, so he went into the bathroom and opened the taps and tried to read the comics he kept behind the cistern. After that day, Dadu-Didu stopped coming. Mummy stopped taking him to meet them and Bholu. And the romances stopped coming to see him at night. For a year now, Rishabh looked at the tiny stars in the square darkness in his window till he fell asleep.

She was a lovely romance,everyone said,and brave and intelligent,but would she be able to find him in time? She had till next Thursday,when he would turn eleven.If she didn’t find him by then he would stop believing in princesses in towers,in dragons who flew you to the rainbow and back,in silver fishes with golden keys in their round tummies; and then, asked everyone, what would happen to the stories?Romance was not frightened in the least.Well, just a little bit. But the secret name of the fish with the key in its tummy was Pheonix,and so she knew she would find the boy before he turned eleven.

Rishabh liked the white haired granny who had come to live in the flat next to theirs. Mummy and aunty from downstairs had been whispering about how sad it was to have to live alone at her age with none of her children nearby, but Mummy suddenly changed the topic to his schoolwork.Rishabh knew aunty would speak about Pooja’s homework,quickly swallow her cooling tea and go away.This is what happened when any of the aunties spoke about the granny living alone and being sad about her children and grandchildren in faraway places.The granny never seemed sad though.
Rishabh knew,because although he had not told Mummy (Mummy was always so tired these days,office and going away to meet lawyer uncle,Poornimadi’s holiday and his homework. He didn’t want her to worry any more) he had been spending his afternoons with the granny. It started when the current went suddenly one evening while Mummy was at
lawyer uncle’s and Rishabh had insisted on staying alone in the house. He hated the smell of old books in lawyer uncle’s office. Besides it was the evening Daddy usually called.He was sitting in front of the television trying to understand a serial Dida used to watch when suddenly everything went dark. Rishabh froze.It felt like the square of darkness outside his window had suddenly found a way into his home.Just then, someone knocked on their door. Thinking it was Mummy,Rishabh lunged at the door and tried
to open it,but he couldn’t see the key in the dark.When he finally opened the door it wasn’t Mummy, but the new granny. "Rishabh, shona… are you scared?" "And Rishabh threw his arms around her soft plump waist. "Yes," he sobbed, "yes". The electricity came back in a few minutes, but Rishabh
stayed with the granny for a whole hour. "I already have a Dida," he informed her. "So call me Didu", smiled the granny. "No," said Rishabh, scrunching his nose. "It’s the same thing.I shall call you Granny,like people do in books. Okay?" The granny laughed and laughed, but she said
okay.That was how Rishabh came to spend his afternoons with Granny.

Tuesday morning was mild and breezy when Rishabh swung himself into a seat by the window in his school bus. By the time there was only Sid left to pick up, though, the breeze grew stronger and dark clouds started rolling in. When they reached school ten minutes later rain was pouring down in sheets and the morning looked like evening. The durwan ran out to speak to the driver, waving his hands over his head. "No iskool, no iskool", he
shouted at the cheering boys, before running back into his tiny room beside the school gate.Rishabh loved the rainy days and the splurge that came with it.He was back home and completely drenched by ten in the morning. He and Pooja had been playing in the rain till her mother spotted them. Running up the stairs, he pounded on Granny’s door instead
of unlocking his own. "story! story!" he cried as he bounded in when she opened the door. Stories were how the two of them spent most of their afternoons. Granny tried to capture him inside a dry fluffy towel, tut-tutting at what she called his ‘badrami'. 'monkeyness’.

The thunder rolled outside. In the cool shadow behind Granny’s spice and pickle jars, Romance grinned to herself and whispered with Pheonix.

Rishabh’s mother sat clutching her head while his Dida stroked her hair.His Dadu was on the phone with one Sid’s mother. Sid was home.Yes, school had been cancelled. No,Rishabh had gone home.He was not at any of his friend’s places.Yes, please let her know when he was found, she was so worried about the poor child. "Let’s go back to your place, ma," Rishabh’s Dida said softly to her daughter. "Maybe he’s asleep, maybe he could not hear the phone ringing in this thunder…" "The poor boy is probably terrified, left alone in this thunderstorm…" began his Dadu, but his Dida silenced him with A Look."Rishabh loves thunderstorms" his mother sniffed."Such scoldings he would get from his father about playing in
the rain…" "Just like you used to”, his Dida said, smiling a little at the memory. "Let’s go to your place, he’s probably playing with a neighbours child, there’s no reason to be scared. Come on." She gently guided her daughter out of the room.

"…and when the prince showed them the golden key, the King
and Queen remembered how much they loved their beautiful
princess and went with the prince to rescue her from the
tower the wicked witch had locked her in… Rishabh! Rishabh?"
But Rishabh was fast asleep after a morning’s splashing about
in the rain and the hot bath and lunch Granny had forced
him to take. Granny covered him with a thin blanket and
tiptoed out of the room, missing the smile that settled on
his face as the beautiful, beautiful story settled in his
heart.

happy ending,whatsay? ;)

Friday, February 22, 2008

THE LOONEY LASS-VOL 1



She pampered my heart and
She touched my soul

Swept me off and promised

To shower me with more


She tasted blue blood and

She rekindled my fear

Made me happy,

She made me her own


I complained on and

I spurted it out

She took sip after sip
I gave her some more

The looney lass in red,she’d call herself

Her drunken wings would catch the wind ,
And try
Learning to fly
Of the monsoon drizzle, she’d quench her thirst
And she had a good mind to change the world!

She had the eyes of

The most prudent owl

And how I wish
I could
Kiss them now

She rode the times

Like a crazy hog

She had a halo
And
Medusa’s curls

She still haunts and

She still does fondle
She takes me to hell
By a heavenly path

The looney lass in red, she’d call herself
Her drunken wings would catch the wind ,
And try
Learning to fly
Of the monsoon drizzle, she’d quench her thirst
And she had a good mind to change the world!

Monday, February 18, 2008

A 'SCAR'ED HEART

Today was real boring.Hence the desire to do something amusing.Doing a tag seemed a cool option.As I cant see anybody tagging me in near future, I tag myself.so here goes....


1. Pick out a scar you have , and explain how you got it .

Yikes!scar!pain!not again. :( well, i am not into vandalism and have not taken any public beating except in RP. sighs!After a prolonged examination of the wonderland(haha) that is my body, I proclaim that I have only one scar(on the palm of my left hand) which i got while I,semiconscious,jumped from a 12-ft wall while holding on to the barbed wires atop it.Was this crazy Raghu?(mtv wala)The confounded wires refused to let go before making a subastantial impression.Hence the bloodpool.And stiches.and the scar.remember missing mommy then. :)

2. What does your phone look like ?

tadaaaaaaaa!!!!My phone looks like..umm..why like any other phone! If I have surprised you,it has a keypad and a screen too !And it is as black as a buffalo.Whatt a revelation!!ishmaart answer :)

3.What is on the walls of your bedroom ?

This reminds me of the Tehelka probe.Sting operations.:) but i will do the khulasa cuz there isn't much to hide,really!i live in a hostel with a roommate who can be described as the male version of a sanskari bharatiya nari.:D he projects himself that way.Now don't you get kinky!!The walls.White.Lots of dampness.A poster of Julia Roberts in her prime and another with half a dozen adages.Both of which are abandoned properties of seniors.Else,nothingness.

4. What is your current desktop picture ?

I use Webshots desktop sw.Where you get to assemble plenty of wallpapers.The wallpaper changes every 15 mins.Mine is a collection of sunsets,waterfalls,gardens,actors n actresses and couple of pics of sweetheart which i sneaked from someplace.hehe.Currently she is smiling at me looking ever so cute.hi sweetie!!

5. Do you believe in gay marriage ?

This be a tangent.Gay marriages happen.So I cant see the utility of this question. I believe a marriage is a union of two minds,who then commit to tread the path of life together. The essence of a marriage is unaffected by trivial issues.gay or otherwise.

6. What do you want more than anything right now ?

I want peace.I want to be ridden of all worldly problems.
And I want quality food.I want to look into a crystal ball and read people's minds.Realistically I want to go see Jodha Akbar.

7 . What time were you born ?

On a warm,mundane afternoon that fateful,auspicious day(akshay tritiya) in April , 1987 , I was delivered into this world ,with plenty of indication of the fact that I was to grow up to become the charming young bloke I am today. :P A few minutes after I was born ,a pretty nurse wrapped me in a soft white blanket and brought me to maa. As she looked at me with those eager eyes, I gripped her finger with my tiny palm ,and squeaked in my newly discovered voice - "ma ma bolona kota bajee?."

hihi..i think u discern the fact that the last part couldn't have happened.and that i wouldn't remember.
Bottomline-I do not know.


8. Are your parents still together ?

had hai yaar!!This is India;parents remain together.They are very much together and touchwood theyhave no dangerous plans.fevicol ka mazboot jod hain, tootega nahi.okk,this was a pj.

9. Last person who made you cry ?

Ishaan Awasti.Or was it myself?TZP was real touching though.And it should make it to the oscars.For many reasons.And cuz it made me cry.

10. What is your favorite perfume / cologne ?

As i answer this,for once it feels like being a celebrity.Once upon a time i used to like BRUT MUSK.Switched to AXE two yrs back.Inspired by the commercial.But girls fail to notice the AXE effect it seems.poor me.Hey,I'm kidding k?

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex ?

Well,i feel beauty and blonde hair don't go together.Meg Ryan being the exception.Any kind of hair color is snobbish.Black rules.As for eyes,i like brown and black.On second thoughts,any color.as long they are expressive and are looking into mine,and not wondering idhar-udhar!

12. What are you listening to ?

Another brick in the wall by Pink Floyd.It's worth mentioning that I would hate to be one.I would rather fall off.

13. Do you get scared of the dark ?

nope.so long as one Rakhee Sawant's not popping out of the darkness.:) actually i feel stimulated in darkness.

14. Do you like pain killers ?

Now now this is downright insane.It's a remedy,a medicine.There's no like or dislike here stupid! If there is pain, I take the pill.Don't think I'm expected to 'like' pain killers and yell "Maaa !feel like having something really special today.Please make me biriyani and painkillers for dinner!" :P

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out ?

Ummmmm...no.I'm pretty forthright.It's another matter that some people are in love with the word 'no' forever. :(

16 . If you could eat anything right now , what would it be ?

Some vulnerable hotshot's bheja..with some chilly achar.And mom-made biriyani.Told you.I love it.

17.Who was the last person you made mad ?

Mommy.I do this with alarming frequency.

18. Is anyone in love with you ?

s***!!it seems the person who made this tag is a masochist.obsessed with pain.Me,however, having started my first tag with pain would give anything to end it on a different note,on a high.So my answer is yes. :)

This tag was fun.I have made it elaborate.yahooo!I would love to meet the person who designed this tag.I really enjoyed doing it;laughing at my own jokes.I pledge to keep my spirits up in foreseeable future.And do more tags. It's worth it. :)

Friday, February 15, 2008

DIL CHAHTA HAI


"Why are you sounding soo philosophical ?", my friend asked me. She was referring to my incoherent,boorish comments on life on what was supposed to be a emotionally arousing occasion filled with mush and musings.
"come on bhondu it's v-day; and u aint really be a vagabond when it comes to....haha!!!"
"tell me does v refer to victory? for me? or for st.valentine??"
"whattt??"
"they keep telling me that love's in the air.Why don't i feel it?"
"are you mad?"
"my mom thinks so.then i must be na?? all i infer at this moment is an all-encompassing truth..which robs me of all my vitality..have u ever felt blessed and cursed at the same time??"
"damn u...u and your pet peeves.cant u say something comprehendible?or whatever!!what now?and you claim to be an eternal optimist.my foot."
"but really dearie, quixotic and chivalrous that i am, i'm still the devil's assistant!you know that."
"ya ya and i'm devil incarnate!nerdo!
"gosh..that's exactly what i meant!"
"go to hell!!bye."

hunh!!Back to my reverie..having successfully pissed off a benevolent soul, which I so often drive to sheer insanity. Thank God for small mercies!! As a friend put it,there are some moments in life when your mind feels like the inside of a saree store full of bengali mashimas during the annual discount season . There are some moments in life when you wish your leg was flexible enough to curve back and land a sunny deol-ish kick on your own behind bad enough to render your morning rituals ineffective for three months .Ok people i'm only trying to feel better.darn!
Desperate dejection can be pretty trying at times....I remember reading an article written by Albert Camus and wondering how to tread the narrow line between destiny and choice. But is there really any difference? Have I not been gullible all the while? May have been people.Or providence.Certainly not by choice. A quick flashback. Damn!!Fast forward.Better..well it was choice more often than not.And responsibility.And naivety. But crucially no repugnance, no repentance. A desire to exercise more than a semblance of control in some cases..nothing more.
Here, i have a funny recollection.Ten days prior to my 12th boards,the family astrologer read my palm and with a straight face exclaimed that I had a none too bright future;at most,In all probability I would complete my honors and my profession will be that of a cane-wielding maths teacher.Queer.That irked me.And my parents.But it sure was a driving force.On our next meeting,about an yr later,it occured to him that i had a gift and would be verry successful in life.Well I've not carved a niche as yet but still. :) .I hear that he's still treated with reverence and is earning his bread,butter and mutton, scaring the living daylight out of his bewildered clients by predicting weird movements of stars,but i know his imaginations infuse enterprise and determination into many a indolent individual.So let it be.Moral of story-don't leave it to the stars.haha


Enter destiny. Or fate.The canvas turns ghastly,diabolical even.You can only fuss..wriggle away to pure madness and still find no explanation.When you have no choice and things are thrust on you at random,life gets unbearable.but it still goes on..it appears as if you have ventured into a labyrinth or a whirlpool of endless agony and mental trauma..all u can think of is-just lay off coz u CAN'T HELP IT.And hope things get better.


Time for a small prelude.

Dil Chahta Hai-a pathbreaking film.Akash, Sameer n Sid.rocking!
I loved the unapologetic tone of the movie. The movie doesn't say what's right and what's wrong... it just tells things the way they are. Would you like to be the guy who's dad gives his fiancee's hand to another guy on the day of your marriage?Nope.Most respectable parents would react in a way similar to Sid's mom if they realize that their son is in love with a lonely divorcee who paints and spends time with her daughter when she is not into binge drinking. But hey,Sid had a choice to make in the movie.He did.Perhaps he made the right one.He didn't repent it....

It was my brother's wedding where i met her.Very intriguing,full of life;she was the very embodiment of beauty.The way she spoke,the way she sang..i mean everything about her was like,enchanting.There are some characters who are always conspicuous in a gathering.She certainly was one.Mesmerizing.I cant explain my feelings about her,cuz i myself didn't understand properly.I remember telling some close friends that i had a crush on her.Her very thought would bring a smile on my face cuz the memories which i could associate with her were all happy.which is rarely the case.d'uh, well, readers,it might appear that this' anything but cinematic influence. frankly,i don't give a damn.

Bro's voice is still ringing in my ears..'She's ill.The diagnosis is leukemia.It's quite late too.She'll be off to Mumbai soon.It's a 50-50 chance' he said.WHY?"it's all fate,brother"...this killed me,really!
probably i would never meet her again.But suddenly i feel an utmost desire to know how it would have been to be in love with her.Atleast to spend some time,know her better.CHOICE.would it have been worth it?Again,i don't know.i would never know probably.I'm being mad alright but by jove,she doesn't deserve this.


"look how beautiful Rupankar and Prachi are looking!" she kept repeating.

"I knowww!kotobar bolbe?how many more times?"
"are u in love?have u ever been in?"
"err...i think so.hehe"
"babbah...don't u still see?how comfortable and assured they look together;made for each other.totally in love.dekhchish? bhuto kothakar.u read shakespeare??"
"hyan olpo sholpo..keno go?"
"The sight of love , feedeth those in love...this comes naturally.ki bujhli?....."
I had smiled like an oaf.

All this might sound very dramatic..Again,i couldn't care less.Life for me is pretty much like that.period.The world is a stage.And i'm feeling all the more that i bring on the worst to people who are close.This IS agonizing.

also,the proverbial 'why her??' to which there's no answer.It's been long waiting for life to show a brighter side.Hope.And knowledge too.Of what i desire of this life.What will make me happy.complete.
but i know not how.great isn't it?
Inspite of myself,i'll urge everyone who comes across this post to post a plea to God-mercy!!that just might help.He might as well prove that He is.



Thursday, February 14, 2008

THE LIFEBOAT

Here,where the tense waves hang
It's domicile tons,we steer
Through rocking arch of eyes
And niggling reach of ear,
Anchored to the flying sky,
And chained to transforming fear

When shall we,all spent,
Row in to some far island,
And find, to our content,
The original strand
From which our ships once went
Though not the way we planned.

Us, on that happy day
This fierce wave shall release,
On our torrid face of dismay,
The final glaze of peace.
Our oars we all will lay down
And desires all will cease.