You see her, quiet as a cat,
curled into herself;
Eyes soft
like feline paws
closed and clawless ; keeping
her breast from shivering.

Nothing emanates.
Not even sadness-
It is then, that you realize, with
wonder, and a funny disgust
that certain people learn
to cry so bloody silently.

p.s: life's a all about coming to terms with reality; or so it seems. And about understanding people who are intimate..aarghh!

..........

Sitting at the doorsteps,
Watching the rain
splash across her face,
a few unknown memories;
She smiled and yet,
two drops stealthily
crept out of her eyes;

Tasting the content of salt in the drops,
she held those drops in her palm-
swaying and rolling; slowly
she stretched her arm
in that torrential downpour,
And those two tears were washed away;
freed- along the unknown road…

Heady happiness in her
now drooping eyes,
The subtle haphazard heaviness
settling in her head.
The pain held steadfast,
in that numb gaze,
Looking through the sky.

Unaware of the many bicycles, rickshaws,
scooters, bikes and cars
passing across,
men, women rushing by;avoiding the rain-
taking shelter beside the boundary walls of
houses haunted by regularity
Or in the park across the houses,
The motor shed serving
as one huge umbrella.

Oblivious of their glances,
yet noticing minutely-
The worms creeping out of the ground...
The walls, the rusted swings in the park,
the cemented seats, the leaves and the grass,
the railings, the roads,
the whole universe under her gaze,
being cleansed off the grime.

She is pulled onto the road by
her frivolous friends;
And she splits into two.
The soul sits at the door step,
as she laughs and smiles in the rain.
They jump in the puddles,
and run around in the park
throwing mud and leaves at each other,
and scream overjoyed
intoxicated in unabashed innocence;

She embraces the rain
all the while staring back at herself
imploring, pleading, beseeching herself to join,
who still sat with that cold, numb gaze
at the doorstep;
Making the threshold her home, she sits..
neither brooding, nor complaining, nor waiting
not searching, not sad;
Just numb; comfortably numb…

The rain stops in a couple of hours,
people get back to their work;
She and her friends
like bright, newly dressed flowers
happily swaying in the breeze,
like the happy green trees-
chatter away to glory
sitting in the park,
half soaked and half dry
like the pretty mermaids
Whispering softly;
She glances back at the doorstep...

And finds herself,
snuggled in the arms of clouds
being lulled into a sleep.
The mild breeze crystallizing around her,
The drops floating around, caressing her.

She bids goodbye to her friends,
gently waking herself, to go back home..

Hugging each other tightly, they cry;
Tears streaming down their eyes,
something welling up deep inside both of them
And finally they drown yet again,
into each other.

Half smiling, half crying,
not alive, yet not dying…

image courtesy: deviantart.com

ALPHABET TAG

Me has been tagged for the first time. :) by a madly cute girl.
so this is how me's world of letters look like..

A: my name, Abhishek-many in my college aren't even aware of that :( Aleya-read mirage,love chasing them; me is Amiable,even the panels of tcs and Infy thought so.hihi

B: Basu,my identity..the world knows me as Basu (Dobby) :) Badminton- yeah Deepika, papa' ll tell you how good I'm at it ; mom-made Biriyani,my all-time favorite; Babies-love them n they love me too ..you see babies be excellent readers of people's minds..Bryan Adams- he is GOD and more.

C: I am very Careless, some of my kirtis are what legends are made of; Challenges are what shows one's mettle,keeps one going; I've a thing for ornate Chandeliers seen in puja pandals, reminds me of old days,a different life...

D: Darkness,it has a stimulating effect on me; Delirium, have been in deep,murky waters very often; am an avid Dreamer; I detest Decorum and Discipline,being a free spirit;am often affectionately called Dumbo(blush); n of course, Dobby, the adorable house-elf of potter-land

E: her Eyes, ooolaalaaa :) Ecstasy, know now how it feels; my tastes are Eclectic, so says people around ;they also say me is Eccentric.hihi..Eh? n Err.. :)

F: Friendship- friends mean the world to me; me is often guilty of Faux pas, much to displeasure of poor mommy; Football: my passion and obsession.

G: Graphiti-on the walls or anyplace else; Gaan-leave me,don't think ANYbody can possibly survive without this; Guitar-I hope I would be able to play like Slash someday!

H: Honesty,the most treasured virtue of mine; Holidays-from nursery till now me always keeps praying for the next day to be a holiday and for the extension of vacations; Halloween-if there was any occasion which could be celebrated in my honor,it's this :)

I: Insight,I have in plenty,but Intuition comes with a heavy cost sometimes; Intelligence too, don't run around laughing;n am still pretty Impulsive.

J: Jerry,the adorable little chipmunk;Jack sparrow- Johnny Depp, he is suave,he is charming,he is just too good!

K: Kalo, my favourite color and my friend-he's buckets of fun; the oft-proclaimed theory of koshto n keshto(of suffering and the reward in the end)! Kelane- one expletive me uses a lot.Kosha Mangsho-yummmmyyy!!!Kochi: my first nick in school :)

L: Love- the very essence our lives, the reason we live; n Longing (sighs) Largesse- what people can expect from me,n I'm not talking 'bout words only;Lobodonka- the end result of many of my endeavors :)

M: lejbihin(without tail) Monkey is what me is proud to be; Maa; Mon- very difficult to describe, I leave this to you maa ;) I love practicing Masochism some of the times.Meg Ryan- ummmm :D

N: NASA- me in there...one of my wildest fantasies after watching Swades ; the romance of the Night-love it;Nongra-meaning fabulous,technocrat term :)

O: THE Orchestra-sounds nice,real nice; OTT-over the top things or people I avoid; Oaf- another nick borne out of affection; Obhiman- a very dangerous disease; Optimism- you can't go on living without it,really.

P: Passiveness-lyadh khawa; Parody(s)-those be coool; PINGU - the toon show; Pandemonium: remember mistaking this for an instrument first time I heard it :) simply lovve this state; Pre; Prudence.

Q: I'm an eternal wannabe-Quizzard; n yeah the Quilt is the biggest aid for lyadh khawa in winter; am Quixotic, things I do often touch the heady heights of impracticality.

R: Rocket Science: the extremely trying and awesome study matter which teachers are forever alluding to and dreading with; Ranting- it keeps one healthy,in the mind; Raag- a very void but interesting emotion; love to get soaking wet in the Rain, reminds me of unforgettable evenings on the football field.

S: Sanity- the one thing which I'm proud of lacking; very much acquainted with but untouched by Spirituality, despite mommy's best efforts :) Sarcasm- this comes naturally to me(sic), I myself don't get irked by.. Soliloquy n Solitude- self-explanatory..Sachin tendulkar-my idol,not for the player he is,but the person he is;to Sing I loves.

T: Tyan howa(tangent to the brains)-with me,most technical things suffer this ignominious fate; Taklu/Teko: meaning bald,used for ridiculing;Tantrums are good; Tears have deserted me,n I'm lesser for that...

U: Ullu ka pathha-expletive in essence, I can be a ullu(owl) though; Umberto Eco- man, he sure was a champ.

V: Vandalism-I support; anyone Vivacious, I adore

W: Words- the mode n medium of our expression, so beautiful if moulded carefully, so vicious if poisoned; Wikipedia- indispensable.period.Women-mysterious creatures but temme who doesn't love to unravel the mystery!?

X: Xerox-I HATE to wait; Xylophone- is very soothing.

Y: the call of the Yore- forcing you to look back,to wander;Yes-affirmation,a response always welcome.

Z: Zebra: black n white,happiness n sorrow-this is life isn't it??

I tag everyone who comes across this tag n hasn't done it already.

BLIND ALLEY

A mean wind wanders through the backcourt trash.
Hackles on puddles rise, old mattresses
puff briefly and subside. Play-fortresses
of brick and bric-a-brac spill out some ash.
Four storeys have no windows left to smash,
but the fifth a chipped sill buttresses
mother and daughter the last mistresses
of that black block condemned to stand, not crash.
Around them the cracks deepen, the rats crawl.
The kettle whimpers on a crazy hob.
Roses of mould grow from ceiling to wall.
The man lies late since he has lost his job,
smokes on one elbow, letting his coughs fall
thinly into an air too poor to rob.


P.S : Sometimes,you feel like the entire world's conspiring against you.today was one such day.N yeah,didn't mention heaven..He gives me strength now,surprisingly!

A HATFULL OF NOTHING

In that posh continental restaurant, Prudence sat opposite Sid,her face full of contentment;beaming as a soon-to-be bride ought to be.Sid blessed her sincerely,as best as he could.

The restaurant was full of chatter and noise from the bar across the floor.

The two of them talked of many things over their chicken flautas and burritos.Prudence would be getting married in April in Canada,to someone she had known for ten months.Their conversation centred mostly around romantic love, relationships and marriage.

Sid found the idea of marriage to be ridiculous, though not impossible.But of course he didn’t say it out loud,for Christ’s sake.Prudence was a God-fearing Christian,and the day before Sid had just aligned aliens with god in an argument with Kylie who in turn accused him of being a devious pagan.

"You asked me how I knew he was the one, didn’t you?" Prudence mentioned as she swallowed her beef, followed religiously by a glass of water after every chew.She had forever been like this,ol' gal..six years now,who said times change!Their friendship had promised to flourish,but never did;he didn't know why-may be difference of opinion.."what are you brooding about?" "oh,nothing."he nodded,his expression neutral and effortless.He wondered how much a heavily agnostic person could learn from a devout Christian that night. But he was willing to find some answers very badly.

"God sort of handpicked him for me.But for Him I would never know;I didn’t even like him in the beginning and didn’t really start to love him until after I proposed to him.It was like God told me to," Prudence described with a peaceful smile.Sid nodded,understanding that all the emotions she had experienced from her fledgling love story to marriage were no different from those oft-proclaimed psychological doctrines.But he found beauty in their agreeableness and common grounds.

Faith and belief were their common ground.

Then there were the differences.

"Humans are animals," he told Prudence."That’s why the more girls a guy gets cozy with,the more respectable he would be amongst his peers."

"Humans were NOT animals!" Prudence rebutted, "Humans were born god-like!It was only after the deadly sins that were committed we became…"

"Like animals?give me a break honey,theology is but a branch of science isn't it?"

"That’s right,but I think we have different ways of interpreting things we have on our platter.Reason doesn't help always,sweets!"

A long pause.Silence is often so loud.

All of a sudden Prudence told Sid something that no one had said to him in what seemed like a lifetime. “You’re so pure inside,you know!” Prudence pointed to his heart. Sid blinked,a little wide eyed.

“What?”

“You’re really pure inside.I hope people see that in you because I don’t think many people do.”

“haha!People usually tell me the opposite you know. except a very few.”

“Yea, that’s because you dont flaunt it.I dunno,it's like you hide it!Look at the dyed hair you have,those piercings-it gives people very wrong impressions on first encounters.I mean I know you well enough to understand that you never fake,but what comes through is not the real you!”

“I know.But I believe those with the real vision are capable of seeing through,finding out the real me;I mean what's life without a bit of mystery,a tinge of cockiness?!I’m not concerned about people’s wrong interpretations.But I'd be interested in the few who look and judge beyond first encounters.” Sid smirked, and Prudence chuckled and shook her head.

He,however was concerned for a while if Kylie saw it in him,then quickly returned to more rational thoughts.

“So tell me about your girl!Now who’s this mysterious blonde Canadian girl?”

“She’s not Canadian!”Sid laughed and rolled his eyes. He would have to tell the story all over again-the fake story,of course,about Kylie.He was really getting sick of it-like the story of a celebrity couple when they weren’t anywhere close to it.Then he surprised himself with his reluctance to actually talk about it.



As he stepped back into his apartment alone,he thought about Kylie privately and intently.They still had so much to learn about each other,but that didn’t seem to be the primary concern.He tried to recollect the two elements: similar interests and willfull thinking.He doubted the latter, then believed it, then again doubted it.

He found himself moving about in circles.

He couldn’t know the answer which was somewhere within him.But for now,he wanted to know if he had the ability to make her happy.She makes him happy in an uncanny sort of way,with her around he's at peace with himself.

God couldn’t necessarily do that.

People were so gullible about what God could do,about his powers,about his plans.Why couldn’t they seek it in themselves?Why could they not do it with their own hands and heart and the brain they were born with?Sid lied alone in bed,his eyes to the sky outside the window.Did he really have to believe in God to be truly happy?He pondered.If it wasn’t benumbed,nondescript celebration of happiness that he had found in beauty in many a form and at fractured places,what were they?

He rolled over on his stomach.

It was an eerie atmosphere in Kylie’s absence.She had been here often,and perhaps it was her absence that he wasn’t used to.He smiled to himself silly as he thought of her.“I really hope this is everything…”her voice resonated in his head.The mystery of science, the reaffirmation of emotions.He smiled even more widely as he remembered her telling him how carefully she tried to handle the copy of A Density of Souls he lent her.It wasn’t what everyone else would do.

Butterflies flew overhead and some hovered in the air. Sid closed his eyes and almost felt himself falling deeply into the ocean,where the darkness wrapped around him and challenged him to breathe,threatened to strangle;he held for as long as possible,then hauled himself onto the surface,water dripping from his dyed tresses,the air very still.

His dreams circumambulated around him,promising..

He would probably spend his entire lifetime dreaming,half of it for sure;as the world continues revolving 24/7 without noticing his presence.

Kylie, had noticed him...


P.S:don't think should be indulging myself in this right now,but feeling rather disturbed..the colourful occasion of holi has been rather blunt here,which's reflected.hoping for a brighter immediate future;Wishing my readers a very HAPPY HOLI!

MOMSY-PANSY

A solemnly void dreamy mind is a minefield for lunacy.But only when you are so old. What,do you think you would have done if you found a dear one wearing away helpless in search of a homily mirage while you are rendered motionless.Having nothing else to do but holding on to your wistful array of pipe-dreams and useless thoughts.But some people are instinctive,born with common sense.As the famous cliche goes "cometh the moment,cometh the man!"or in this case the baby.In case you are wondering if I have gone mad,you are mistaken.Somehow what happens at raw childhood escapes many a guys' memory.But the tooth fairies(or the likes) call on you every now and then and return.. no,not money but long-forgotten childhood memoirs..

Here was a lovely lady..bed-ridden, flu-stricken,suffering from chronic migraine pain,to whom even a pindrop seemed like an explosion,unable to bear any iota of light.She had none to look after her that day..except for a tiny tot;all of 6 months- he sat in a bundle chewing his thumb unable to comprehend why ma wasn't paying him any attention.He decided to make a close enquiry.Moving himself was however a quite tedious task,he was a real fatso.alas! :( 'ma ma!?'she was looking at him now,gritted teeth;trying to smile but she made no effort to take him in her lap,and somewhat alarmingly even closed her eyes.Something must be wrong,that made him helpless.Desperate to return some semblance of normalcy to the surroundings,he looked around for something familiar to which he could instantly relate ma with.So began his tiring crawling expedition.Finally he found something,but that was atop a table which was beyond his reach;after toiling for several minutes he managed to stand somehow and uprooted the confounded thing from it's perch..it was a little packet of Parle lozenges.Mom would take plenty of them all the time.Yesterday she even gave her a piece.Yummy!He didn't know how to get one outta the packet so he struggled.His baby brawn was of some use at last,he tore it open,got hold of a candy and crawled his way back to ma.She was still lying there with her hand across her face..he heaved over her hand and thrust the candy with it's cover on[:(] into ma's lips"ma,khao..khao" Which surprisingly worsened matters as big teardrops formed in her eyes.But then she smiled brightly and pulled him up to the bed showering him with kisses.That tight hug felt real good,so he's told.

Do I need to reveal who the tiny kiddo was?That's obvious isn't it-for once,when this story was being narrated,felt an inkling of pomp growing within.:) God that tiny boy was damn lucky,could spend all his time with ma.His 'zoom out' version can't though:(
He has to do with celebrating her budday remembering jolly times and planning for jollier ones in the forthcoming buddays.He wonders how she can love him soo much although he irritates n hurts the hell out of her.He doesn't mind though.
Love you ma!Really really missing your hat ka khana err..you too-hee hee hee
HAPPY BUDDAY!!

....

And you invade my soul again.
How do you do it?
Everytime.

You echo my thoughts like a pensieve.
Hold them like glistening silver smoke,
turn them over at will.
And hold them out for display.

But you are not supposed to.
Then why do you do it?
How do you do it?

I, like a drop of rain,
on a dry window pane,
watch the sun kill me.
Yet, you make me live.

Can you for once, give me your essence.
Unwrap it from the gold foil,
and give yourself up to me.
Vulnerable, weak.
I'll give you love.